


If Secrets Shall Sate Your Terror, Have It Your Way

by Bargtenn



Category: GOT7, Vampire Chronicles - Anne Rice
Genre: Blood and Gore, Death, Historical References, Monologue, Vampire Im Jaebum | JB, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:27:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27799951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bargtenn/pseuds/Bargtenn
Summary: A Vampire's attempt to make a tale of his life. A description for mortals to cling to, if ever in doubt.
Kudos: 1





	If Secrets Shall Sate Your Terror, Have It Your Way

**Author's Note:**

> Don't worry, I have somehow managed to not spoil a single thing of the vampire chronicles.  
> It is heavily inspired, both with the surrounding characters and the world, like, in general, but it isn't canon. Jaebum is not part of the book series at all, obviously.

Listen once and listen well.

I am no man, but you may call me Jaebum. I could never explain how I came to be, could never phrase myself so that you could possibly understand. Words do not allow for such understanding.

But I will try. I will try, not because I crave to be heard but because you might see why I am as I am. Because it might put light on the horror you see within me. 

So if secrets shall sate your terror, have it your way.  
⠀  
I was born in the Nile valley. My mother was of great south Asian heritage and my father irrelevant. My mother had fled her sacred land in horror, as they would not let her bear children. She died giving birth to me in ancient Egypt.  
⠀  
I was handed to a pharaoh who could not have children of his own. He was a beautiful, fair-skinned man, with long luscious hair and a sleek build. He cared for me as his own son, brought me gifts and held me tight at night when I could not stand the chill of his castle.  
⠀  
He taught me all I asked for. Sat late evenings and early mornings telling me all he knew of the world, teaching me the importance of plants and water and animals, the honours of driving such a magnificent nation, and of course, he taught me all there was to know of the Egyptians.  
⠀  
He taught me to paint and to appreciate life, taught me secrets and saddening discoveries and evolutions the common man would never know. I was an educated man in an uneducated land, the prince of a curious and wise pharaoh who sought to make me as wise as himself.  
⠀  
Of course, such luxury and curiosity combined could not only bring joy. There was danger in wit, and my pharaoh longed for those dangers as much as he feared them. Craved for them as much as he was repulsed by them.  
⠀  
His story is not mine to tell, though I might if you ask nicely. He is no longer able to do so himself, at least.  
⠀  
His curiosity caused him much harm, and those around him suffered from his recklessness as well. He was made vessel for an entity too grand for his existence, and once captured, his soul was locked.  
⠀  
He went underground for a while, as did his closest servants and his wife, Akasha. I was abandoned, though the castle treated me kindly. At some point, our early mornings and late nights started again, but only between dusk and dawn.  
⠀  
He shared with me new knowledge, spoke of cynical ideas and land beyond what we could fathom. His way of being had changed altogether, and there were nights I could barely recognise him. He spoke like a madman, and I was both terrified and drawn to it, as he had been.  
⠀  
Eventually, he shared with me the secret of his new existence. Shared with me how it had come to be, and what laid in store for him. Immortality and clarity, a chance to live forever and the ability to read minds, understanding things that had never before been understood.  
⠀  
What he called a curse, what he had failed to see any good in, I saw as a gift. Now I longed for it, craved it so bad that his visits grew less frequent. He feared my fate, and I worshipped him.  
⠀  
One day I sought him out in broad daylight. Never had I entered his temple without his beckoning before, and I was barely breathing as I snuck through his chamber.  
⠀  
It was rather bare, all furniture moved except his casket, in which he kept his robes. No bed. I looked at its paint, trailed my eyes across the golden carvings as I heard the door finally shut behind me.  
⠀  
I was enticed. The stark shimmer from lamps illuminated the chamber, and by forces I could not understand, I was drawn to the casket. My finger was trailing across the carvings, reading the drawings as best as I could.  
⠀  
The surface was warm. Warmer than tree ought to be, and much less still now that I focused. The casket nearly seemed to be bulging and pulsing, even as it lay. Its corners felt too firm, on the bridge of collapse, as though the giant casket was filled with more than it could contain.  
⠀  
I wondered, curious as I was, if this was where he brought his victims. The damned, he had called them. The foes, the ones who did the kingdom nothing good, and the ones whom he feasted upon.  
⠀  
I did not breathe as my fingers crept across the casket, did not dare dilate my eyes for even a second. I was rigid, terrified and excited at once, and certain throughout all my bones that something sinister lay within the casket, and that the skull of a human would greet me.  
⠀  
The sight made me tremble. I could scarcely believe my own eyes. Her skin was pale as marble, and when I let my fingers caress her finely sculpted features, she was freezing. But he could not have, he would never, for he loved her.  
⠀  
In his casket lay Akasha, the pharaoh's wife, still in silky clothes with pretty colours and with a queen's jewellery. She looked so alive, almost as though she was only sleeping. I felt drawn to the casket again, stunned by the demanding manner in which I lusted for her. I wanted her in my arms.  
⠀  
Before I knew what was happening, I had leaned over her. She did not smell nice, only faintly of decay, yet I brushed my nose against her hair and let my fingers cradle her fragile, delicate and cold head.  
⠀  
I could not describe how I felt even now, could not begin to explain how complete, how utterly happy I felt as her arms seemed to cradle me back. There was only adoration and joy in the way she clung to me, and I would have held her forever if I could, though I had never before known the attraction.  
⠀  
And then her teeth were piercing my throat. I could not scream, for the sensation seemed only to bring me closer, to allow me that much more of the intimacy I craved so deeply from her. Her heart was pounding next to mine, and I loved her. Loved her as deeply and as passionately as I ever had another human.  
⠀  
I do not know what occurred outside of my head at this time, too lost in the pull at my veins, the gorgeous sense that she loved me back as she drew me into her tighter. And then there were hands at my shoulders, dragging me from her. I think I might have screamed, cried my protests, but it did not work.  
⠀  
Enkil, the pharaoh, had pulled me off, and he looked positively distressed as his eyes raked over me. I did not understand why. The pharaoh looked awful, no hint of the ethereal gleam that had caressed his skin as of lately. He looked dead, and it seemed he was in agony, but I could think of it no more.  
⠀  
He screamed, yelled at me, and his voice reached a volume so high I felt that my ears were bleeding. I staggered backwards, but he followed, and I knew I was crying. Could not stop the tears, could not shield my ears from the raging manner in which he was screaming into them.  
⠀  
He was stopped, by Akasha no less. Her eyes glittered, yet she too seemed in agony. Her gentle arms were circling him, holding him how she had held me, and he seemed to melt into the embrace as easily as I had.  
⠀  
I would have watched more, was completely enraptured by their ravaged skin, the pain that seemed only to tie them together, but I was exhausted and low on blood. I passed out before the sun set.  
⠀  
When I woke, my neck ached terribly, and I felt completely worn. Enkil's chamber gave no clue as to whether it was day or night. They were there. Both of them, upon Enkil's casket, but they were not speaking.  
⠀  
It seemed so odd, for their faces were not moving at all, yet they seemed so captivated by each other that I knew they were communicating. I felt no spite towards either, felt only hunger.  
⠀  
Hunger? Now that I thought of it, I was starving. Wine. Food. I longed for food, thought I might combust if it was not brought to me. «My sweet boy, have your fill,» Enkil said, and it took a moment before I realised he had turned to me. Wine. Wine and food and the sweetest of fruits, all that I had hungered for, he had brought it to me.  
⠀  
I cared not how he had known, occupied consuming as much of it as I could. When I was done, he was still watching me, watching the motion of my throat as I swallowed the food. I felt the first spike of fear then, and I stopped munching.  
⠀  
He smiled, but the smoothness of his skin had made the wrinkles in his face too deep to be natural. It felt nothing like a smile at all. I knew it then as I should have when he first came to visit me; he could not stand seeing me.  
⠀  
I did not know if my encounter with Akasha had strengthened the feeling, but I knew it had always been there. He wished not to see me because he did not know if he could keep himself from feasting upon me. And worst of all, I knew that he was allowing me to know these thoughts.  
⠀  
I could not get up. I wanted to get out of there, felt strangled in the mixed senses of Enkil's contemptuousness and Akasha's want. When I tried to rise, Enkil's hands gently held me down. A kind threat, but a threat nonetheless.  
⠀  
Akasha came closer, her eyes once more sparkly. I kept my glance from her, ashamed and scared of Enkil's temper if he were to know just how much I craved for her kiss once more.  
⠀  
«Do not fret, my child.» He whispered to me, his tone as gentle and alluring as Akasha's heartbeat, and shamefully I felt the want creep back into my veins. Was I truly that malevolent? «You will not die, not really. But Horus, you cannot live either. She has taken too much already.»  
⠀  
Horus. That ought to confuse you. Horus was the name my pharaoh gifted me, and later the name of all my legends, the alias the world would remember me by. We will get to that later if you wish.

I knew not what he meant right away, but as I looked to the bottle of wine, I could spot my reflection. My cheeks were hollowed, eyes bored tighter in their crevices than what was natural, and my lips had lost their colour. I looked a mere skeleton already, but when I touched my skin, I could feel the remains of my soft flesh, the remains of my beauty.

«Share it with me. Share with me the curse, father.» I begged him. I knew he would not let me die, could not believe he would ever let me die. And I wanted this. Wanted Akasha's beauty, Enkil's wisdom. I craved for all my pharaoh had spoken of, and I would not let him deny me.  
⠀  
Enkil did as I had asked. He was gentler than Akasha, but the awful satisfaction, the glee and joy and pure euphoria of his kiss stunned me to no end. I craved for more, but he would not let me have it. Instead, he beckoned for Akasha.  
⠀  
Akasha had stood by his side all along, and now she was smiling at me, poised with seductive grace. «Come here, my love» she whispered, but I could not move. Enkil held my drained form, and Akasha let her sharp teeth rip apart the skin and the veins on her wrist. Blood streamed from her wound, and immediately she pushed her wrist against my lips.  
⠀  
I shrunk together, backed away from the offending limb, but I had no choice but to drink it down. It was fantastic. Not the taste, I could barely feel the blood at all, but the way her thoughts streamed into mine and made my mind a mess of love and hate and memories, of all that was Akasha.  
⠀  
Too soon she was done, and too early Enkil drew me form her. I clung to her, but for no purpose. «Horus.» He shouted, and I focused my vision on him, ignored the tingling sensations all through my body in favour of watching the motion of his pale, luscious lips as he spoke to me.  
⠀  
«Listen. You will not hide, as I did. You will stay away from the sun, but you will not hide, and you will lead my people. Tell them I died. Tell them I perished, and make my temple the finest memorial of myself and Akasha. Stay here if you must, but lead the people, give them water and food, use what I have taught you.»  
⠀  
I was no fool. The pharaoh planned to leave. He had gifted me with immortality, and now he and Akasha meant to flee and leave me here to take care of their mess. This angered me, for I knew of his intentions. I could sense it now, the shifts of his mind, the feelings he held. Not Akasha's, she was cold as stone, but his mind was an open field.  
⠀  
If you want details, we will speak of it another time. But I did take his place, named myself the pharaoh, and the people of Egypt adored me. I was beautiful, youthful and golden-skinned, and I was kind. I struggled with my new existence, but that is irrelevant unless it piques your curiosity. I was worshipped by my people.  
⠀  
I used my gift for all its purposes, explored the world at nights and never left Enkil's temple by day. He and Akasha loved me for a while, stayed with me and praised me for how I steered the land in my own direction, yet their days with me were counted.

When they meant to leave the next night, I had to act. I woke up before the sun had sunk, and it scorched my skin terribly. Yet I did not stop myself. In a fit of rage and fright and anxiety, I dragged my companions with me in their slumber. I cared not for my burns, only for their stay.  
⠀  
I buried them deep into the sand beneath their temple, soiled them with water from our river so that the sand hardened. Their heads remained visible, but their limbs were immovable. They were stuck, they were with me, and I could not be more devastated, for they hated me for my actions.  
⠀  
I started it then, the new religion of Egypt. I, the educated pharaoh, spread the words of Isis and Osiris and Horus - myself. I manipulated my people, and I crafted their traditions, had them sacrifice loved ones to gain the Gods' blessings so that I, and my companions that I so adored, could flourish.  
⠀  
I cured my burns with Akasha's blood, but I dared not visit them after that. I offered them the sacrifices to keep them alive, and at nights I would visit their temple, listen to their cries, feel their anguish. I could not stand it for long. I wished only to be with them, not hold them captive.  
⠀  
I wished to die. And I did, eventually. I buried myself as you now do humans, I crept into the earth as far as I could, and I lay there, starving for weeks until I could not come back. I did not want to.  
⠀  
With time I had rid myself of the strength to crawl up. I could hear and feel, despaired how my only companions were left to suffer. Time passed, and as I rotted in the earth, the sensations of death only grew stronger.  
⠀  
I knew how Egypt was doing, could hear the heartbeats of those who dared visit Enkil's temple. I sensed presences, multiple shadows in the world, and I wondered whether or not they could sense me in return. I felt Enkil's suffering more vividly than ever, but his cries had stopped.  
⠀  
Other creatures like myself came to be. Humans found my parents' temple, made them suffer even worse, and yet they both remained quiet. Enkil tried once to draw me to them, but I was immobile.  
⠀  
I had no idea how long I lay like that, listening and feeling and craving. Sensing. Every second was hours, every sensation torture, and yet I did not exist at all, felt time as you do air. Centuries passed as I lay there, wilting in misery.  
⠀  
I was a mere skeleton when I was eventually discovered. My heart was not beating, and my flesh had dissolved completely. My preternatural skin held my form, but I had not the strength to make my figure resolute, so I was a jumbled mess of scroggy, linked bones when I was drawn from the ground.  
⠀  
«Run, son.» The words echoed throughout my mind, but they had not been spoken. Only felt. I knew not by whom, but a second later, my skull was pressed against a neck. I felt arteries throb beneath my lips, and the urge to take was so big I could hardly wait, but I could not move my jaw.  
⠀  
Soft hands steered my head, and I was fairly certain tears were streaming down my face as my rotten teeth were pressed through the skin. The blood felt better than ever as it ran down my throat and flooded my mouth, and my heart was filled with the utmost content.  
⠀  
My arms went to embrace my victim, and I could feel cold breasts beneath my arms as I held them still. A hand was carding through my hair. The tears would not stop, and I was sure they had painted my face a bloody red, but what did it matter.  
⠀  
I was left with a final brush of a hand I hoped was Akasha's against my cheek, before she and Enkil both let me be. The tears dried eventually, and my strength returned, yet I had not been ready.  
⠀  
I was in utter agony as I crawled my way out of their temple. The sun was down, as it always had been when I wandered, but the Egypt I rose to was nothing like the one I left. All the new sculptures and constructions frightened and frustrated me, and I wanted nothing to do with it.  
⠀  
I fled, bare and starved. My mother's blood had satiated me, but my hunger seemed uncurable. I would not drink now, however. Would not go near the peasants that had ruined my kingdom, would not dare to partake in their sins.  
⠀  
I fled to the only world I felt. I had slept for two millennia, and now I fled to Rome. It shall be known I never really settled. I cannot tell for how long I stayed in Rome, but I know I despised it even more than Egypt.  
⠀  
They were barbarians, forcing innocents and criminals alike to bare their teeth in games of survival, all to please pudgy, greedy royals' needs for entertainment. They disliked freedom and spirituality, craved order and segregation and valued only prosperous findings that could aid their gluttony.  
⠀  
Yet it shall be said, I learnt a great deal there. I learnt of altered Gods, of people and of colours, societies so unlike anything I had priorly been able to imagine. I learnt of beauty and of realism, things even my senses had been unable to teach me.  
⠀  
I visited Egypt after a few centuries. It was as shameful as I had left it, though this time I could find beauty in the horrendous works of art they had crafted. There were other people like me there; that I knew, yet they all seemed to dodge me.  
⠀  
I sought my parents, but never dared approach them. I found they were moved, but not far. A presence was near them, one of our kind, and they remained silent as ever. I took that as all the encouragement I needed to travel the world once more.  
⠀  
I explored jungles and deserts, I danced and sang, I loved and sinned. I visited every nation I caught word of, I joined tribes and raped and conquered. I was a Viking, a philosopher, a prophet, a God and everything I pleased to be. I tried it all.  
⠀  
When the world tired me, I sought the earth. I made the ground my only friend, for it was the only thing I could return to. My years underground were long and calm, consisting mainly of listening and feeling, so that I could choose myself what intrigued me enough to return to the surface.  
⠀  
Many things have happened since my making, many things that have changed me altogether. I have thousands of tales, some sweet and some sour, and yet I remain.  
⠀  
I am Jaebum. I am the prince of Egypt, an ancient God. I am an educated man who lusts, as I always have, for the unknown, the exciting and unruly knowledge the world can offer. No more human than death itself, but built on all life. I am Jaebum, no man and no ghost, and I am horror.

But I am not your horror. Not yet.

**Author's Note:**

> FOR ALL THE WONDERFUL PPL WHO HAVE READ ANNE RICE'S WORK,,, this isn't for u, I'm sorry
> 
> N E ways, thank u for reading!
> 
> twt: bargtenn :)


End file.
